Fear

" The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear , and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown ... "
- Howard Philips Lovecraft


From the journal of Dr. William Haldenberg, PhD., Psychologist:

5 / 19 :
... I’ve prescribed some medication to keep the problem under control .
Now it’s this new patient that really interests me . A man was found , gibbering and incoherent , beside an open manhole cover on the intersection of Main and Washington . His clothes were in tatters and his body was covered in bruises and cuts . He also had two broken ribs . He was taken to St. Johns hospital and upon waking attempted to destroy his room . He was eventually restrained and brought to the psych ward . I got the chance to visit with him briefly , and he seems to be suffering from some sort of dementia and / or severe schizophrenic paranoia dementia . I’ll continue my analysis tomorrow .

5 / 22 :
Interesting news on Manhole Man , as I’ve come to call him - he either refuses or is unable to tell me his name . He attempted to cut his wrists open on an exposed bed spring during the night , but one of the wardens stopped him before he could do any real damage . I visited him earlier today , in his new padded cell . I began asking him some simple questions about his identity , which he completely ignored . He kept muttering the same thing over and over again : " It’s coming , it’s coming , it’s coming to devour me ! " He weeps uncontrollably and seems very nervous . His eyes dart back and forth , and he trembles constantly . Rarely does he enter a state of clarity , and rarely do they last .
I’ve asked the police to supply any information they can get on the man , but with out a name or address , I’m afraid it won’t yield much . I think hypnosis should allow me to pry some information out of the man . I will have to try this at a later date , I’m afraid , until I can gather more information on the man’s problem .

5 / 27 :
After many failed attempts , I’ve made a breakthrough ! By using a relatively mild tranquilizer on the man , I was finally able to calm him and ask some questions . He ignored most of them , so I resorted to hypnosis to get my answers . I recorded the conversation as follows :
“ Can you tell me your name , please ? ”
“ My name is Tom O’Sullivan . ”
“ Where are you from , Tom ? ”
“ New York City . ”
“ What’s your job , Tom ? ”
“ I do not have a job . ”
“ Why ? ”
“ I was fired . ”
“ Why were you fired , Tom ? ”
“ My mother died ... I became depressed ... I drank . Went to work drunk . ”
“ I see . How did you wind up here ? ”
“ Took the bus . Rode the Big Grey Dog . ” ( smiles )
“ Can you tell me how you arrived at the manhole , Tom ? ”
“ I do not want to talk about that . ”
“ Why , Tom ? ”
“ It will come for me ... It will come for you . ”
“ It ? What’s " It " , Tom ? ”
“ I will not tell you . ”
“ Why ? ”
“ It will come for you . It will devour you . ”
“ That’s alright Tom . I want to help . Please , tell me . ”
“ I … I should not . ”
“ Please , Tom . I want to help . ”
“ No . It will come , it will come , you cannot stop it , no one can stop it ... IT WILL DEVOUR YOU , IT WILL RAPE YOU , IT WILL BREAK YOUUU ! ”
At this point , Tom began sobbing uncontrollably and had to be sedated and brought back to his room . He is being watched day and night , but doesn’t seem to have any problems , save for nightmares . I’m pleased with his progress .
I can’t stop thinking about this man ... I’m beginning to become obsessed , and I’m worried . It’s as if I’m being compelled to help this man .

6 / 02 :
It’s been days since he’s spoken . He eats and drinks , but he no longer sleeps without the aid of powerful sedatives . He continues to thrash in his sleep . I can’t even imagine his nightmares .
Actually , I can . I’ve ... I’ve been having strange dreams , dreams that don’t make sense . In these dreams , I’m in a dark , wet ... place . I’m not sure where . I hear the scraping of claws , and an indescribable hissing . There’s a glow - three orbs of an eldritch green light . Something tells me they’re eyes . I’m terrified ... The thing , whatever it is , begins to speak : “ Come down and play , Billy-boy ! Come down below ... and play with me ... ” And then whatever it is just starts laughing .
This has happened at least three times . I can’t prove it , but I know this is what Tom dreams about . I don’t know how , but I do . I wish I didn’t .
In other news , the police have found information on Tom - it was quite easy once I supplied them with more information . His mother did in fact die , as well as his father ( before he was born ) . He used to work at a paper company , and was fired for showing up intoxicated . After that there are only sporadic reports of various drunken activities in several cities .
I’m afraid . I know if I don’t stop … but I can’t . It won’t let me .

6 / 04 :
Something terrible has happened .
Tom died last night . All that anyone knows is that it was a murder , but how ... it doesn’t make sense . Nobody could have gotten in here without being seen . Security is very tight in the psych ward . And God , how nobody could have heard what was going on in there amazes me . I’ve seen the ... remains ... myself . Gruesome doesn’t even begin to describe it ...
There was barely anything left of poor Tom to identify . The walls were covered with blood , the remains of limbs and vital organs scattered on the floor , bones gnawed and bitten . The police are useless ; they’re just sweeping it all underneath the rug . It’s just one more strange case in Arkham . I’m afraid I may have to contact a friend of mine at Miskatonic University ; he has much experience in matters like this .
Officially it was a suicide , although how someone could to that to themselves is goddamn insane . But I know who ... no , not who , more like what , did it . Whatever the Hell It is , It’s absolutely vicious . It is most definitely a monster . I don’t know how something like that can exist , but I know it does . It talks to me , whispers to me , especially in my dreams . I was never able to remember my dreams before , but now ... God , how I wish I could forget them now !
Sometimes , I’ll be on my way to work , or eating dinner , or reading a book and I’ll begin hearing a strange … I don’t know … chattering ? Howling ? Chiming ? All of them , but so much more , so much worse . It’s quiet at first . I can almost pretend I’m not hearing it . The more I ignore it , the louder it gets . It makes me feel terrible somehow , that sound . It works its’ way into my head , the very center of my mind , and starts to gnaw on it . I can’t stand it . Eventually it just fades away .
The dreams are even worse though . They vary , but most of the time I find myself in a dark , wet place . I think I’m in a sewer . Then It’s there ; it talks to me , taunts me , invites me to “ come play with ” It . Sometimes it ends there … but sometimes it doesn’t . Sometimes It shows me It’s “ home ” . It’s like no place I’ve ever seen . The sky is absolutely black . In the distance I can see incredible mounds of still-living flesh . It shows me vast deserts of rust , forests of strange trees like bones that bear glowing fruit . And everywhere is that howling , that chittering , like the sound of a million insane insects .
I always wake up screaming .

6 / 16 :
I can’t take it anymore . It’s driving me insane . I know when I write it down , it doesn’t sound as awful as it is , but it’s worse than the dreams , the howling sound . It gets into my soul . Everyday I feel full of dread , fear , depression . I feel so dirty . I know that thing is behind it . I don’t know how it’s doing this , but it is . I’m not the only one it’s affecting .
I’ve noticed something strange about anyone that’s worked closely with Tom . They’re all as afraid and anxious as me . They’ve got black circles under they’re eyes ; they’re afraid to sleep anymore . It’s touching them too . I know .
I can’t live like this anymore . I’ve got to do something . I’m going to find it … I’ll have to start at the place where Tom was found . It makes sense , if this thing lives in the sewers .
God , I’m being so foolish . What am I going to do ? Ask it nicely to stop ? This thing is bigger than me . Much , much bigger . But confronting it head-on is the only thing I can think to do . Otherwise I’m going to end up going insane , like Tom .


To be continued ...

Continuarea ...

6 / 19 :
I ...
I saw ...
( Writing illegible )
Mary had a little lamb little lamb fleece as white as bonesbonesbonesdead .........

I saw it . God help me , I saw it . I went to its home . No . Not its home . It was a prison , but now it’s free . In the sewers . Its home is somewhere … else .
But I went to the sewers . I opened up the manhole they found Tom at , late , when nobody was around . I didn’t bring anything but my flashlight , a crowbar , and my gun . I thought that maybe I could shoot it or something . I was so foolish … why did I have to go ? Such a fool .
It was waiting for me . Calling me ; I knew exactly where to find it . As I got closer , I could hear the chiming / howling in my head . It kept getting louder . As I went on , the smell got worse . Part of it was the simple fact that it was a sewer ; there was also another stench . I don’t know what it was . It was every unpleasent odor combined , but it wasn’t . It was the smell of filth , of something left out in the sun to rot . I was so afraid , but I couldn’t turn around ; I wasn’t being courageous either . I really couldn’t move . My body was moving on its own will now .
The walk felt like an enternity . I don’t know how long it was until I’d finally found it . Or perhaps it found me ? It doesn’t matter . It was there , talking to someone . Its voice was ... I don’t know how to describe it . Seductive ? That seems good enough . I was drawn to it . I would have done anything it asked . Its voice didn’t sound like one voice either . It was angry , sad , insane , high pitched and low pitched at the same time . It almost made my ears hurt .
Looking at it almost made my eyes hurt too . It resembled a gorilla in stance ; two muscular limbs supported its stooped torse , and two saurian legs held up its hind quarters . It was a pale grey color ; it looked eminciated as well . As I looked closer , the fore limbs appeared to have a switchblade like design ; folded in the inside of its arms were massive serrated blades of bone . It looked as if it could raise its arm and snap out the bone-blade as a weapon . They appeared to have been used recently ; they were flecked with blood and gore .
I also noticed a second pair of arms on the underside of the torso . They were thin , small , and bony . They had four fingers spread evenly around a central nub . They were closely folded to its abdomen , but it gestured with them as it spoke . Between its two saurian legs was a sharp skeletal protrusion ; it looked like an extension of its pelvis . Its face was perhaps the most bizzare of all . It reminded me somewhat of a spiders head , but perhaps a bit more narrow . It had four toothy mandibles and a long serpentine tounge that ended in a mouth like that of a lamprey .
It had three eyes that glowed with an eldritch green light . There were two larger ones set towards the center of the face , and two smaller ones to side and beneath each one . Behind the head was a mass of writhing pale tentacles , like some perverted lions mane . It moved much like an insect , delicate and quick , despite its size . Even though it was stooped , it probably stood nine feet tall .
When I came upon it , it was speaking to a man on the floor , curled into the fetal position , weeping . It was bent over his ear , crooning .
“ Don’t worry , my new toy’s almost here … ah , speak of the devil ! Well , well , we don’t need you anymore , now do we ? ”
It raised one of its’ muscular limbs and the bone-blade sprang out . It stabbed down , straight into the man's back . I don’t think he screamed . I think he was relieved .
“ Time to toss it away with the rest of our broken play things . Such a pity you meatbags are so very fragile . ”
The small limbs curled by its abdomen strecthed out and grabbed the corpse by the shoulders . They were impossibly long , longer then I would have expected . The head lolled to the side and I caught a glimpse of the face ; it was one of the aides from the psych ward . He had been working on the same floor Tom was on . It had claimed him too , then . It flung the body to the side of the room , amongst a pile of half-eaten corpses .
“ Now then , what can we do for you , meatbag ? ”
I couldn’t think of anything to say . I just raised the gun and fired . Six shots and it was empty . I kept pulling the trigger . I stood there , just firing an empty gun . It just looked at me . The shots hit it , went through its flesh , and a viscous white fluid trickled out . It didn’t react .
It laughed . “ Did you really think that would work , Billy-boy ? How cute , he thinks we are but mere flesh ! ” It raised its fore arm and the bone-blade sprang out again . It struck me in the chest , knocking the wind out of me and into a wall . I wish it had just cut me open then and there .
“ Did you think you could just charge into our lair , lob bits of hot metal at us , and it would be over ? That we would let you go then ? No , no , no . We have a bit more use for you . Yes , yes we do ! ”
“ Wh … what … why … ” I gasped weakly . I was sure one of my ribs was broken .
“ " What are you ? Why are you doing this to me ? " Same , same old questions . Ah , meatbags , so predictable . So curious . So fragile . So fun to play with ! ... We go by many names . Samael , Cthulhu , The Blind God , The Dark One - we think that one is so very generic - Legion … many names we have . Our true name is Urug’shash , or “ The Urge ” in your tongue .
“ We are every twisted thought your kind has ever had . We are Rape , Murder , Torture , Hunger , Suicide . We are the dark mirror upon which you gaze upon your own insanity . Look at us and wallow in your glorious filth , for we are what lies Below !
“ As for why we are doing this to you … well , we let poor Tommy go back to fetch us some more toys . Anyone that went near him , we would see . We would look upon them , and know them in an instant . The longer they spent around him , the more we could sink our claws into them . So it was with you .
Now, we imagine you are eager for us to tell you what we are going to do with you ? Kill you , rape you , torture you , break you … eventually . Now however , we will let you go . ”
I couldn’t believe it . I just sat there, dumfounded . I didn’t think I would ever be getting out of here alive .
“ But … then why did you bring me here ? What was the point ? ” I couldn’t contain my curiosity or my surprise .
“ It was not us who brought you here , in the beginning ; you chose to come . You were curious . We just nudged you in the right direction . We know of the journal you keep . Your mind is our mind now . You will tell your tale . You will be the prophet of the Age of Filth and Ruin to come . You are to be released for now , to finish the Black Gospel of Urug’shash . Then , you are ours .
“ Now , be gone ! Know the name of your masters , and heed our words ! ”

-

And here I am . Sitting at my desk , filthy and wounded . I can feel it in my mind , watching me push my pen across the paper . I wish it had killed me then , in the sewers .

I have nothing left ... the prophecy has come to it's end , and you , as you are reading these final words you probably hate me because of the plagues that have now corrupted this world . Only one thing is left for me to do now , before he comes to take me ... yes , I must do it now , no matter how scarry it may be , no matter how cold the gun may look ... I must die before he takes me back to that cold , dark and wet place of nightmare ...